Slightly Nefarious Fetish Artist

Choppercabras, Bike Dreams, and the Bobber Bike Rules

Stephen Greenfield, I don’t know who you are, but thank you for shooting video of the Choppercabras Halloween Roman Rampage last Sunday. I’m still kicking myself for not bringing a camera.

Heck, I’m still kicking myself for not bringing a bike.

Last weekend really sucked. The Roman Rampage was one of the few bright spots. I showed up for the Sunday morning Teamsters meeting with about four hours sleep. I knew going in that chances were rare that I’d make it in time for the Choppercabras event, so I packed a sheet to use as a toga and left my Dahon at home.

The meeting went long, so when I arrived at the Atomic Cycles parking lot, I figured I wasn’t going to see much.

(More photos and more thanks to Barleye and Midnight Ridazz for posting pics from the Roman Rampage)

Sometimes it’s good to be wrong. While there were plenty of folk in Roman attire, most were in one form of costume or another. Attending were ninjas, sailors, vamps, and I think there was an alien roaming somewhere. The chariot races were about to start.

Foam swords and toy weapons swapped hands in the crowd as mutated BMX bikes towed the insane in circles like drunken bats around a streetlight. Mercilessly, the mad pedalists rammed each other and dodged nerflike obstacles stabbed in their way by the audience. Some Romans grabbed orange cones and flung them in the course of bike chariots.

Next up was the tallbike gladiator fights. Tallbike riding requires skill, and something like a wall or street light to prop yourself up against. Tallbike fighting requires skill, insanity, an overall lack of common sense, and a couple of plebes from the audience to lean on in order to mount your vertically enhanced mechanical deviation.

My lack of sleep kept me out of the running of course, but I was certainly not opposed to lending a hand to someone ready to break a limb or loose some teeth doing something mother would have warned them about. So I got out there and held one of the bikes for a blood donor.

Many knees were skinned that day, as can be seen in the video. Once blood was shed and trophies distributed, it was time to ride. Alas, I was bikeless. I seriously thought about asking to borrow a pair of wheels, but realized I was fading fast from lack of sleep and got home before I could get myself in more trouble.

After some rest, the bike bug kept biting. The last part of Sunday evening was spent with the Grey Mistress, the “Bobber Bicycle” I’ve been working on.

Some of you who’ve seen earlier posts may ask. What the fuck is going on here and the big hairy deal? Can’t you just buy another bike? Just buy a beach cruiser.

Well, no. Money’s tight, and there’s many other things I’d rather spend $250 on, and there’s many other things I’d rather not spend the money on, but have to anyway. Most beach cruisers don’t have ape hangars and gear shifts, so I’m getting more out of customizing this bike than just paying for something new.

And as an artist, it is a big deal to me to take something that could easily be pawned out through Craigslist for twenty bucks and turn it into something that feels priceless.

So here’s the rules about the Grey Mistress “Bobber Bicycle.”

1. Add as few “new” parts as possible. We’re going for an old school motorcycle look.

2. Seize opportunities eliminate plastic parts. Only go plastic when a metal part is not available.

3. Anything added needs to bring something to the look of the bike. However, function takes priority over form.

4. No skulls. They’ve become so cliche it hurts. Anything else badass like bullets, spikes, pinstripes, and iron crosses are still fair game.

5. Swap out as time goes on. This is a work in progress. As the dirt tires wear out, white sidewall road tires will be added. The plastic pedals will be swapped out for metal eventually.

A big deal about this bike is that I’m going to use this as my commuter ride to the night gig. So, the basket was a necessity. It sucks that I’m gonna loose cool points here. The long term plan is to find a way to use wing nuts to make the basket a quick release item that can be removed for events.

Last Sunday night, I spent about two hours fighting with the bike to get the basket mounted, but I did it. I also got the opportunity to use the spikes instead of nuts on the bolt ends. I also added on the rear view mirror and bicycle bell.

I’ve been waiting all week to ride. The Grey Mistress has literally been in my dreams. At noon today, I rode out on the orange line bike path, and got the chance to tweak the bike some more. She’s getting some great looks and double takes out on the road.